Why I’m Boycotting Cuffing Season

cuffing seasonSo, before we start I’d like for you all to know that this post will be a mix of a book review/thought vomit. COOL.

SO, firstly, if you don’t know what cuffing season is….you should watch this video. But really, even if you do…just watch it anyways because Regina was totally walking in Union Square and was interviewed probably because of her good looks.

((PS REGINA LIKES A SENSE OF HUMOR, INTELLIGENCE, AND EASE OF CONVERSATION))

OK, so now we all know what’s the deal with cuffing season. It’s basically that perfectly romantic time of the year when the leaves start to turn and your fringe no longer sticks to your forehead matted with sweat giving each woman the illusion that she is a goddess (OKAY BUT WE ALL ARE, SRY I GOT ALL JADED FOR A MIN).

Everyone wants to just hook up so they have someone to spend the holidays with/bring home to mum. But REALLY? REALLY? Can’t we all just fall in love with each other perfect fringe or not?

So, why would a 24 year old educated and employed gal decide to boycott love?

Full disclosure, I haven’t had the most wonderful luck with men since moving to New York (HAH, AND PROBS BEFORE THEN TOO), I keep blaming it on school and work and finding my own little niche in this crazy city. Sure, I’ve gone on dates and all that good stuff, but…alas….nothing. OR COULD IT BE SOME OTHER REASON? (KEEP READING)

During a trip to the Library yesterday I was trying to find a wonderfully normal novel when I fell upon a book by Dr. Wendy Walsh entitled “the 30-day love detox”. I was intrigued. What could a love detox be? Who is this person? and upon reading it’s sub header “Cleanse Yourself of Bad Boys, Cheaters, and Men Who Won’t Commit- And Find a Real Relationship”  BUT I LIKE BAD BOYS.

I decided to take it out for a loan, I mean, who cares if I hate it, can’t lose nothin’.

And then I finished it in 26 hours.

((This is where the book review starts))

The book starts with a brief history of human heterosexual commitment ((actually, everything about this book besides one sentence fragment is heterosexual)), which I found slightly fascinating [the history bit, not the heternormity]. Did you know that in the times of cave people, relationships were monogamous but not ’til death do us part? Men and Women usually held a commitment during the childbearing and rearing years but not forever? Makes you wonder about the marriage standard today.

She then outlines a five step attachment strategy which includes a few quizzes to take about your own relationship style and even a Relationship Life Plan ((which sounds corny but is kinda cool)). The she explains the full detox, and how to deal with it. Basically the goal of the book is to help you look at your own relationship history (like say, if you are a chronic hook-uper? or a commitment crazed doll)  and then look at what type of relationship you’d like to have (married? live in? more hook ups? kids?! single mom?) and how to accomplish that goal.

The one main premise of this book is that if you are looking for a committed monogamous relationship you should wait 30 days before engaging in any type of sex with a new (or even old) partner (that means sexts too!).

I mean really, not even a sloppy make out sesh, GASP!

I can understand how you might be feeling right now. Me too. BUT, I will also say that Dr. Wendy also gives us some tips to use in order to say no to sex and what to do if you start to feel lonely. It might be hard to throw all of that “bad boy junk food out” but it will probably feel really good after it’s all done.

Welp, I guess I’m just gonna dive-in and try it out. If anything about this process will teach me anything about myself, that’s positive.

AND MAYBE I’LL FINALLY DELETE ALL THOSE JUNK FOOD EXES OUT OF MY PHONE? YES?

So, If your still wondering why I am boycotting cuffing season its because I have enough respect for myself and my feminist predecessors and cave women mothers to choose a more healthy relationship style for my own needs and hopes for a committed relationship in the future, not some faux cuffing season fling.

Oh, I’ll let you know how that all actually goes.

alysse meow

 

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